Going from having your own space and time apart to constantly being around your significant other and sharing your home together can be life changing in a good way. However, it can also turn into a disaster if you guys just aren’t ready.
Should I Move In With My Boyfriend?
If you feel like you’re at that next step in your relationship and you’re ready to see if cohabiting is a good idea, here are 8 questions you need to ask yourself that will help you figure out if this move is right for you.
1. Are you moving in for the right reasons?
The first thing you need to be sure of before deciding to move in with your boyfriend is if you’re moving in together for the right reasons.
You know those girls who just rush head first into a relationship and move in with their significant other within a few weeks of knowing them because they think met their soulmate?
Yeah… don’t be one of those!
Don’t move in together because:
- You feel lonely
- You want to always be near him and you’re still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship
- You want to micro-manage him because you don’t trust him
- You want to save money rent and living expenses
- He’s pressuring you
Those reasons above are allll no-nos and they will come back to bite you later.
Of course, if you’re moving in with the guy for the right reasons, saving money on rent can be a really nice perk but don’t let that be the main reason you guys move in together.
Brainstorm reasons why you do want to move in with him. If you’re moving in with him to get to know his character better, find out if your communication styles mesh, and/or see how compatible you guys are in terms of living habits, these are all valid reasons.
2. Does Your Relationship Have A Solid Foundation?
Once you’ve evaluated why you’re moving in together and the reasons make sense, you need to evaluate whether your relationship has enough of a solid foundation.
Without a solid foundation where you both have a similar vision, values, communication style, and level of trust, your relationship can be put in jeopardy if you decide to live together .
Having the same vision of your future together is a must. This means you’ve already had serious talks before where you both have discussed and agreed upon what you’re looking for in your relationship and where you see yourselves in the future.
If you guys haven’t talked about this yet, some questions you might want to ask yourself and each other are:
- Do both of your futures include the other person?
- Is there an expiry date on this relationship?
- Are you both interested in getting married one day or staying common law?
- Is living together going to be a long-term thing or just a trial period?
- Do you guys want kids and when?
- How do you envision your lives together in 10, 20, and 50 years?
Next, be sure that both of your core values align with one another. Make sure your partner believes in the same values as you in areas such as:
Knowing your partner’s communication style is also very important if you want a successful cohabiting relationship.
There will always be conflict in any relationship regardless if you live together or not but these conflicts can be greatly minimized if you know how to communicate effectively with your partner.
Here are some great books to check out if you’re looking to improve your communication with your boyfriend:
Last but not least, trust must be present in your relationship. Although trust is an important component of any relationship, this level of trust is even more crucial when you’re letting someone into your home.
Sharing your living space together means your personal belongings will be totally accessible to him from your important documents, treasured souvenirs or gifts, and expensive jewelry and bags. With everything in reach, you need to trust that your partner will be responsible with your things even when you’re not physically there or if you two get into a fight.
You also need to trust that your boyfriend has good character, which ties back to your shared values. You don’t want to live with someone who will steal your stuff secretly, not pay his share of rent and other living expenses, or bring friends over who will destroy your home.
3. Do you want to be independent first?
Another question to ask yourself if this is the right time you want to live with someone else. If you recently graduated university or college or just started a full-time job and you’ve never lived by yourself, you might want to experience living independently by yourself first.
Living on your own is a great way to learn more about yourself and grow as a person. You can decorate your apartment exactly the way you want, not have to share your bathroom with anyone, or even have a dance party with your cat at 3 am! It’s the time in your life to be selfish and live life exactly the way you want without anyone telling you otherwise.
I highly recommend living by yourself at least once in your life if you’ve never done so because it is a lifetime opportunity that you’ll most likely only get to experience for a short period of time.
Sometimes jumping into the stage of living together with your other half doesn’t allow you to fully get to know yourself when you’re young. You’ll have to think about both of your needs and compromise, so that is definitely something to take into consideration.
4. Are you comfortable with each other?
It’s very hard to hide who you are when you are living together, which is why it’s such a great way to see how compatible you two are.
From being seen without your makeup to days when you’re sick and you look like a zombie, there’s no hiding your true self so you have to be completely comfortable with him.
If you’re not ready for him to see you at your most vulnerable or you feel like you can’t let loose and be yourself, you might not be ready to live together just yet.
5. Are You Financially Ready?
Another important question to ask yourself is if you are financially ready. Just like if you were to decide to move out on your own, living with your boyfriend will include having to pay for rent and household expenses.
Be sure that you know your complete financial picture and have an emergency fund ready just in case you lose your job and can’t find another one to replace your income.
In addition to making sure you’re ready, be sure that your boyfriend is responsible and financially stable himself and will be able to pay his part of the bills.
6. Do You Need To Relocate?
Relocating to another city or country can be hard for the party who has to move because they feel like they’re the one who has to sacrifice the most to be with the other person.
If you’re currently in a long distance relationship or your significant other needs to permanently relocate for work, think long and hard about if you are willing or not to sacrifice your current life to be with this person.
You need to be sure that you are doing it for the right reasons or else you’ll end up resenting him in the future.
Ask yourself these questions to gain more clarity on the situation:
- How far away are you moving?
- Do you have any family or friends there?
- Do you have a job lined up? If not, will you be able to find a job there?
- Do you like the area?
- Is the location in line with where you see yourself in the future?
- What are you leaving behind?
- How important is this person to you?
7. Are other people’s opinions affecting you?
One thing you need to watch out for when you’re deciding whether this is right for you is to make sure you don’t feel pressured by different opinions from external sources. Ultimately, the decision is yours if you’re a responsible and mature adult.
Your friends, parents, and other family members will always have their views on the topic and they might not be inline with your own.
For example, they might be totally against you living with your boyfriend before marriage based on their own values, religion, or their own personal experiences.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s always great to get constructive feedback from others. But in the end, you have to do what’s right for you so take other people’s opinion lightly and don’t let them cloud your judgement.
8. Are you rushing into this?
Lastly, one piece of advice I hope you are able to take from this post is to not rush into anything!
Moving in together is no joke and you’ll end up learning a lot about him as well as about yourself. Your relationship will definitely be put up to the test so really take your time to think deeply about it and evaluate whether this is the right step for you.
Don’t forget to check out the rest of my posts on how to adult:
- A Beginner’s Guide: How To Move Out For The First Time On Your Own
- 10 Signs It’s Time To Move Out Of Your Parents’ House
- The Ultimate Guide: First Apartment Essentials
- Moving 101: The Essential Guide To A Successful Move
- 8 Lessons You Learn Once You Move Out On Your Own
- How To Find The Perfect Roommate & 6 Tips On How To Avoid Conflict
- 6 Lessons You Learn When You Move In With Your Boyfriend
Have you ever thought of moving in with your boyfriend? Let me know in the comments!